FishingTN.com Tennessee's Fishing and Boating Community

Go Back   FishingTN.com Tennessee's Fishing and Boating Community > General Discussion > Sports Lounge - General
Register FAQ Members List Calendar
Google
 


Reply
 
Thread Tools
  #1  
Old 08-18-2018, 02:59 PM
SAMBOLIE SAMBOLIE is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Nashville, Tn
Posts: 1,657
Default How do court reporters keep straight faces

> ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
>
> WITNESS: He said, 'Where am I, Cathy?'
>
> ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
>
> WITNESS: My name is Susan!
>
> ______________________________ _________________________
>
> ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
>
> WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
>
> ______________________________ ________________________
>
> ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
>
> WITNESS: No, I just lie there.
>
> ______________________________ _______________________
>
> ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?
>
> WITNESS: July 18th.
>
> ATTORNEY: What year?
>
> WITNESS: Every year.
>
> ______________________________ _______________________
>
> ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you?
>
> WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
>
> ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?
>
> WITNESS: Forty-five years.
>
> ______________________________ ____________________________
>
> ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
>
> WITNESS: Yes.
>
> ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
>
> WITNESS: I forget..
>
> ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?
>
> ______________________________ ______________________________ _____
>
> ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
>
> WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
>
> ______________________________ ______
>
> ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he?
>
> WITNESS: He's 20, much like your IQ.
>
> ______________________________ _____________
>
> ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
>
> WITNESS: Are you shitting me?
>
> ______________________________ ___________
>
> ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
>
> WITNESS: Yes.
>
> ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
>
> WITNESS: Getting laid
>
> ______________________________ ______________
>
> ATTORNEY: She had three children , right?
>
> WITNESS: Yes.
>
> ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
>
> WITNESS: None.
>
> ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
>
> WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney.. Can I get a new attorney?
>
> ______________________________ ______________
>
> ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
>
> WITNESS: By death.
>
> ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
>
> WITNESS: Take a guess.
>
> ______________________________ ____________
>
> ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
>
> WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.
>
> ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
>
> WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I'm going with male.
>
> ______________________________ _______
>
> ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
>
> WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
>
> ______________________________ ________
>
> ATTORNEY: Doctor , how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
>
> WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight.
>
> ______________________________ ___________
>
> ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
>
> WITNESS: Oral...
>
> ______________________________ ___________
>
> ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
>
> WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PM
>
> ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
>
> WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished.
>
> ______________________________ ______________
>
> ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
>
> WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question?
>
> ______________________________ ________
>
> And last:
>
> ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
>
> WITNESS: No.
>
> ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
>
> WITNESS: No.
>
> ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
>
> WITNESS: No.
>
> ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
>
> WITNESS: No.
>
> ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
>
> WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
>
> ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
>
> WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.
Reply With Quote
Reply



Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT -5. The time now is 06:55 PM.


Site best viewed at 1280X1024
© FishingTN.com