How do court reporters keep straight faces
> ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
>
> WITNESS: He said, 'Where am I, Cathy?'
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> ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
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> WITNESS: My name is Susan!
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> ______________________________ _________________________
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> ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
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> WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
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> ______________________________ ________________________
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> ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
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> WITNESS: No, I just lie there.
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> ______________________________ _______________________
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> ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?
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> WITNESS: July 18th.
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> ATTORNEY: What year?
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> WITNESS: Every year.
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> ______________________________ _______________________
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> ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you?
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> WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
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> ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?
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> WITNESS: Forty-five years.
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> ______________________________ ____________________________
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> ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
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> WITNESS: Yes.
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> ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
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> WITNESS: I forget..
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> ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?
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> ______________________________ ______________________________ _____
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> ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
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> WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
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> ______________________________ ______
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> ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he?
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> WITNESS: He's 20, much like your IQ.
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> ______________________________ _____________
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> ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
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> WITNESS: Are you shitting me?
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> ______________________________ ___________
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> ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
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> WITNESS: Yes.
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> ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
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> WITNESS: Getting laid
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> ______________________________ ______________
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> ATTORNEY: She had three children , right?
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> WITNESS: Yes.
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> ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
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> WITNESS: None.
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> ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
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> WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney.. Can I get a new attorney?
>
> ______________________________ ______________
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> ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
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> WITNESS: By death.
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> ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
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> WITNESS: Take a guess.
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> ______________________________ ____________
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> ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
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> WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.
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> ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
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> WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I'm going with male.
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> ______________________________ _______
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> ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
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> WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
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> ______________________________ ________
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> ATTORNEY: Doctor , how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
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> WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight.
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> ______________________________ ___________
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> ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
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> WITNESS: Oral...
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> ______________________________ ___________
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> ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
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> WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PM
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> ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
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> WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished.
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> ______________________________ ______________
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> ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
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> WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question?
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> ______________________________ ________
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> And last:
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> ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
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> WITNESS: No.
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> ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
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> WITNESS: No.
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> ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
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> WITNESS: No.
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> ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
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> WITNESS: No.
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> ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
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> WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
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> ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
>
> WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.
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